this impermanence

a nyc retreat

uncrafted:

Grant yourself a moment of peace,
and you will understand
how foolishly you have scurried about.

Learn to be silent,
and you will notice that
you have talked too much.

Be kind,
and you will realize that
your judgment of others was too severe.

Hasten slowly,
and you will soon arrive.

Ajahn Brahm quoting a Chinese Proverb, while talking about retreats.

As I lay here, less than 12 hours of flying to NYC, I realize that this is my retreat, my opportunity for more silence, less speed and more moments of peace. The rest of the world will stop for two weeks and I’ll be incognito in the middle of 10 million people.

Between books, art, museums, history, all while I’ll see the rest of the world hasting around, running behind their lives.

Because sometimes, you need to see yourself in others, so you can better see what you need to change.

(Source: uncrafted)

back to basics

every once in a while, as if having a rebirth, I pick up my little black notebook and scribble again the things I feel I should hold on to and the things I should let go of. it is a conversation I have with myself, where I try to focus on encouragement and not on blame.

the topic of my last conversation with myself was precisely centered around this idea — Back to Basics. and these were the conclusions:

• back to basics means more “letting go” and less “wanting to”;
• back to basics means meditation instead of yoga or tai chi;
• back to basics means more vegan, less vegetarian;
• back to basics means more 5 precepts, less alcohol;
• back to basics means more right speech, less talking;
• back to basics means more uposatha days, less days that go by unnoticed;
• back to basics means more gym, less sloth;
• back to basics means more clojure, less uplink;
• back to basics means more present, less future.

the common themes?

buddhism. buddhism, whether it’s through meditation, through ethics or through habits, gives me the frame for my life.

food. what I eat is both a reflexion of my principles as it is an acknowledgement of karma - as I display more compassion towards animals, so other people will do the same, leading to less animals being hurt for the purpose of food.

nutrition. which is like mindfulness of food. being aware of what I eat and what I eat it for. not eating by accident by being purposeful when eating more proteins or more carbs, knowing how they help me and my body.

sports. whether it’s about training for the half marathon or weight lifting, exercise is the very reflection of being alive. it is also like a consequence of being alive — that you can exercise is because your body is healthy and you want to keep it like that.

programming. being a good craftsman, being proud of my work and inspire others to do the same.

and again, buddhism. letting go of craving. being mindful. meditating. respecting uposatha days.

Mens sana in corpore sano.

by doing this exercise, I realize I don’t need any other physical exercise or any other mental training. I don’t really need to do yoga or tai chi. I don’t need martial arts and I certainly don’t need to read about taoism. what I need is just to sit down and meditate.

I also don’t need to think about big projects on the future, like creating ebooks for buddhism or creating a magazine or writing iPhone apps or good tutorials on programming. I need to do one thing every day and be content with that. and wherever that will lead me, it’ll be ok.

I certainly don’t need to rest my head and shut down my brain by playing computer. what I really need is to read and write. I need to keep myself lucid, read about art, culture, politics, philosophy, history, the things I have curiosity for.

I don’t need to go to the gym every single day and demand of my body abilities which it was not used to do. I should take it easy, focus on each training day and each recovery day at a time, analyze and review my progress.

and maybe more important than everything else, I don’t need to do any of this. I will encourage myself to do these things but I also know how and when to relax my discipline.

because it is not the same to want something, and to do something. and the purpose here is to do these things, not to want to do these things.

permanent this impermanence

I’ve thought many times about the idea of bringing “this impermanence” back to life, autonomously, with the purpose of making it some more than just a blog.

the idea that has crossed my mind several times revolves around something like Access to Insight, but not limited to Theravada Buddhism. something that inspires and does not divide. a library. but a library with a common formatting, a common way of presenting texts and referring to texts.

and right now, I am thinking about it…

wholesome in 2012

I don’t think I was ever able to follow through with resolutions or goals set at beginning of any year. in my case, which I guess it’s not different from most of the people, it has always revolved around the same kind of things - adopting buddhism permanently, doing exercise, becoming vegetarian and taking care of my nutrition, reading more, writing more, programming more, learning new things.

in a word, being wholesome.

so, while I have always had this thought on the back of my mind, like an itch, this feeling that there were still aspects of my life that needed improvement, this noticing or awareness, this raising the head out of the inertia, it has always boiled down to this: 12 years of intents, of saying “it’s from tomorrow onwards”, of starting and then deciding to drop it. then starting again, then dropping it again. 

rewind. repeat.

and about a year ago, this process changed in two very clear ways:

• the first was that the amount of time that was taking me to start and stop had been decreasing and decreasing, to the point that it became a matter of weeks or days. it no longer took months for me to realise that I should be loosing weight or that I had to eat better or that I should be meditating - it was now happening every week or so;
• the second was that for the first time I was able to follow through with the goals I had set. the last three months of 2010 I stopped smoking, became mostly vegetarian and was going to the gym almost every day; and one of the things that contributed was that I said to myself “let’s give it a try just for three months. small steps, clear actions - just three months.”

so, there were many forces here at play, and all need to be considered if I’m to move from declarations of intentions to actions that reflect the change that I want to apply in me: 

1. the awareness that change is needed;
2. the reminder that change is needed even if I’m not changing yet;
3. the translation of this change into clear small actions that can be executed in a small period of time.

despite the craziness of 2011 I was still able to maintain some of these goals like adopting vegetarianism and stopping smoking. I did loose the routine, the habit, the intention or effort of continuing.

which leads me to these words.

a couple of days ago, I sat down and wrote the things that I wanted to change in order to become more wholesome. goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them; in my case it boiled down to the following (in no particular order):

• being able to play piano at least as good as I can play guitar;
• being able to program in JavaScript at least as good as I can program in Java;
• losing my belly and improve my physical aspect;
• finish at least one application for the iPhone;
• adopt the 5 precepts of Buddhism and follow the Buddhist routine that I had set for myself;
• replace playing computer games and wandering off in the internet with reading and writing;
• consolidate my vegetarian diet; move towards mostly vegan diet.
• follow through with this plan over periods of 3 months.

so, these are the long terms goals. as for specific actions for this first quarter, I set the following:

• start my routine of 2 days at the gym, 1 day for rest;
• leave facebook;
• uninstall Civilization IV;
• replace Civilization IV with reading and writing;
• meditate every day.

so, I purposefully did not cover all the aspects of all the things I wanted to change. I’m not touching any vegan stuff this quarter neither am I explicitly touching the five precepts of buddhism or the uposatha days. there is also no mention of programming or piano for the time being. this is because I need the mould of physical discipline to fit all the rest. I have to start by making sure I’m going to the gym and that I’m meditating every day. this is the foundation, so to speak, of all the changes that may follow afterwards.

also, there is emphasis on quitting things before adding more things. uninstalling a game is a simple way of not playing. leaving facebook is a simple way of not wandering off mindlessly in the internet. this represents the excision of the things which are of not helping me complete my goals. but excision is only one part of this process. the other is changing my focus from the thing that I cut off to the thing that I want to focus on.

so this is the path, the process and my next steps in becoming more wholesome.

hello 2012.

the end of zen baggage

there is no self in anything.

whatever we see, we discriminate according to our delusions. it’s because of our delusions that we wander in the endless round of birth and death. but if we can become aware of our delusions, we become free of birth and death.

there is no self.

Zen Baggage ends with a trip to Hong Kong, where Bill Porter meets up with Yi Ch’ao, Hsu Yun’s attendant. After several stories on his former master, Yi Ch’ao says goodbye with these amazing words.

those paragraphs form the very core and the whole of what buddhism is all about.

if you would have to define buddhist teachings; if you would have to summarise all the teachings of the buddha down to a couple of sentences, down to a couple of bare minimum ideas, these would be it - there is no self, there’s only impermanence.

Zen Baggage was a really great book.

it was the first time I read someone’s account of a pilgrimage, and I truly loved it. I think the whole idea of going down to the places where things happened and being there, walking down those paths and feeling the same things as all those people felt, connects you even more to the people behind the teachings; brings the awareness that the words and ideas you read about, come from real people who lived in a real place.

they walked those paths, meditated in those halls, felt that same rain and that same sun over them. like Nguyen Cong Tru wrote,

on the same spot I sit today
other came, in ages past, to sit.
one thousand years, still other will come.
who is the singer, and who is the listener? 

simpler. leaner. more focused.

and to that effect, I decided to leave facebook.

the way I feel is actually as if I’m being freed from facebook. I just spent some 30 minutes removing all my photos, all messages, all information, everything. I left a message there stating that I’ll be leaving and asking people to keep my email, in case they’d want to keep contact with me.

and now, I already feel lighter.

I have to say, I wasn’t really a facebook addict and in the last few months I had already decreased my activity a lot; to the point that I was only posting my twitter updates in there.

but now I really feel like I’d prefer to be free from it, as if I needed some sort of social retreat. I don’t need to have all those 309 people connected to me. facebook for sure doesn’t need to know me. I don’t need to see their photos and I certainly don’t need to know what they’re doing.

and yes, it does feel like going on a social retreat. and it feels great.

looking for a routine.

so, I sat down one of these days and tried to write down what would be the aspects of Buddhist practice that would from the core of “being a Buddhist”.

This is what I came up with:

the 5 precepts

The Five Precepts constitute the basic Buddhist code of ethics, undertaken by lay followers of the Buddha.

I liked how wikipedia puts it, “undertaken by the followers of the Buddha”. since that is what I consider myself to be, I should strive to follow these precepts: not killing, not stealing, not engaging into sexual misconduct, not lying and not drinking alcohol.

meditation, mindfulness

Ajahn Brahm said it many times: Buddhism is a practical religion. it is not a religion for book readers or theoreticians. and the practice of Buddhism is done through meditation and through keeping mindfulness in everyday activities.

uposatha days

The Buddha taught that the Uposatha day is for “the cleansing of the defiled mind (…). On this day, disciples and monks intensify their practice (…)

during uposatha days, when the moon changes phase, buddhists undertake the 8 precepts — the previous 5 plus not indulging in sleep and comfort, not indulging in aesthetics and keeping the monk’s routine of eating only between sunrise and noon.

so, these three aspects form what I believe it to be the basics, the core, bare minimum of habits and ethics that form this idea of “being a Buddhist”.

these mark, I believe, the difference between someone who considers Buddhism to be a nice philosophy with some deep insights, and someone who considers Buddhism to be his religion, and takes it seriously and has faith in the advices of the Buddha.

in my case, these mark the transition to a more serious practice, one step at a time, getting used to the routine and the ways these aspects will affect my life.

so, here we go.